Mrs. Filthy lived here

The previous owners of our new house will here be henceforth named Mr. and Mrs. Filthy. Her, mostly. Him, not as much.

When we were in negotiations on the house, I had several conversations by email and phone with Mrs. Filthy, who also happens to be our county auditor.  She was so sweet and accommodating, declaring here and there about how she was going to be hiring someone to expertly clean the house in preparation for our moving in. Our daughter, Aimee, after meeting her one time, nicknamed her Miss Thang. She was definitely all about looking pretty—perfect hair and makeup, worked-out body, coordinated outfits down to the scarves, of which she had plenty to choose. (There were probably 200 of them hanging on coat trees near the master bedroom closet.) She even drove the perfect car—a late model bright yellow Corvette convertible.

We bought several pieces of furniture from the Filthys (or is that Filthies?). The master bedroom suite (sans mattress set), a sleeper sofa, bookcase, old spinet piano, etc. They threw in a beautiful billiards table and accessories, mainly because they didn’t want to pay someone to move it, and they no longer had room for it.

We knew the kitchen appliances would need to be replaced. They were approaching thirteen years of age, and about the most one can expect of today’s appliances is fifteen years. Besides, I was leaving my beautiful, newly remodeled kitchen that I had planned with meticulous attention to detail, and, by golly, if I had to sacrifice that, then I was going to get something in return. However, Mr. and Mrs. Filthy didn’t know we planned to replace them.

The Filthys/Filthies were nearly underwater on their mortgage here and it had been on the market for over five months with no offers, so we got a pretty good price on the house, far less than its appraisal value. They probably didn’t have the money to hire professional cleaners to assure that my new house was squeaky clean (like I left my old house without the aid of pros, thankyouverymuch). Okay, I get that. But could they have at least made an effort to clean something? Anything?

My first clue was opening the refrigerator door and seeing disgusting crap all over the shelves and walls. Thank goodness, I didn’t have to put my food into it. We left the food at the old house, and waited until they delivered the new one two days later. I mean, seriously, who leaves that kind of mess for someone else to clean? Mrs. Filthy, that’s who.

Next stop on the filthy tour were the bathrooms. First of all, there are five of them, including the powder room. All of them have vanities with drawers. All of the drawers had The Filthys/Filthies’ detritus. They were empty nesters, sort of, so three of the bathrooms weren’t too horrible, as the grown kids were only there occasionally. The master bathroom was quite a different story. Every drawer had fingernail clippings, hair, accumulated dust and dirt, etc. And I don’t even want to remember what I cleaned out of the very slow-moving drain on her side of the double vanity. Really?? Mrs. Filthy, weren’t you embarrassed that people with whom you now have somewhat of a relationship, whom you might possibly run into socially, now know what a disgusting pig slob you are?? Mr. Filthy at least spackled all of the nail holes where pictures had been hanging.

The kitchen was in the same shape as the bathrooms. Not one cabinet was wiped out. The microwave/oven wall combo was in a similar condition as the refrigerator. It was the only appliance that we didn’t replace right away, mainly because they’re so darned expensive, and it still worked. The microwave part looked as if it hadn’t been cleaned in a couple of years, and they didn’t use anything to cover the dishes when they warmed plates of food. The oven part had aluminum foil welded to the bottom by grease drippings. Luckily, but not for our checking account, the oven combo went kaput about three months after we moved in, so I picked out a nice new convection combo that is pretty awesome. MerryChristmasHappyBirthdayHappyAnniversary to me! For the next five years!

Funny thing, I ran into Mrs. Filthy about a month ago at Aldi’s. I recognized her right away and said hello. She looked at me and didn’t have a clue who I was, or didn’t want to know who I was. Embarrassed? Maybe. Or maybe she doesn’t think she had any responsibility toward the new owners of her house. I’m glad I’m not like you, Mrs. Filthy. I could never leave a house in that kind of condition. Never in a million years.

See you soon,


13 thoughts on “Mrs. Filthy lived here

  1. My. I had to stop halfway through and go get another cup of coffee while I collected myself. I’m not the neatest person in the world, and it’s absolutely true that the microwave doesn’t get cleaned any more than weekly, but still…. The refrigerator?

    I do have a dear, dear friend whose house tends toward the same condition. The truth of the matter is, she just doesn’t see it. Maybe that’s the explanation. I know I often don’t see the dust around here until someone is coming for dinner. Then, it’s everywhere, and I fly into a panic. Perhaps the Filthys had become so used to the conditions they simply weren’t aware.

    On the other hand, I’ll bet that yellow Corvette was spit-polished.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda, I’m not the best or neatest housekeeper, either. Nor do I think it’s the be-all and end-all of everyday living. But I certainly wouldn’t want someone else to have to deal with my dirt. Especially accumulated dirt and yuck. The one thing that they did was have a carpet cleaning service come in and stretch the carpet in a couple of rooms, and he cleaned some of them, but not all, because he told me they didn’t have him do all of them (I had the same guy do ours). I do appreciate them having done that little bit.

      I think they simply wore themselves out with their moving, and didn’t have the money to hire anyone to do it. But I would have died before I let someone know that I was that dirty. I would have asked for a couple extra days, which we would have gladly given them.

      And, yes, the Corvette always looked as if it came straight off the showroom floor.


  2. Yes, if they could not afford to hire someone to clean, asking for an extra day would be the way to go. We were truly under the gun on our last move. The movers left two hours before we were supposed to leave the house. We were like mad people, vacuuming, scrubbing sinks, toilets, patching a hole that the movers had knocked out of the wall, moping, etc. I had already cleaned the fridge, microwave and oven. Thank goodness. It’s interesting how people live. You never know.


    • I understand the time crunch, of course. But we’re talking months and years of build-up. You would think that, knowing they were selling the house, they would have at least cleaned something that wasn’t visible on a walk-through. Or they could have enlisted their friends or their very hearty grown children. Oh, well, it’s clean enough now, and we all lived through it. You’re right. You never know.


      • Our house was clean when we left, but whew! Those last few hours were crazy. H swears that we’ll hire someone to clean when we move from this house, and make sure we have at least a day before we hand the house over. I don’t know. I think we can clean it ourselves, but we’ll see. I always think I can do it better. I wonder why they didn’t clean some of your house before their last day? You can’t do everything ahead of time, of course, but there are things you can… at least remove the fingernails. 🙂

        During our last move, I was following behind the movers and cleaning as they finished a room. I’m telling you, it was crazy. I’ll never do that again. We will have to have a reasonable amount of time. It was the most difficult move I ever went through, not just the cleaning part. I wish I’d had a blog back then. It would be funny to read back through it. Maybe not funny exactly… interesting. We had problems with those buyers from the very beginning. I think the wife was the real problem.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Bella, that’s what I wondered, too. I think they must have been in denial and thinking they would have plenty of time to do it themselves, or money to pay someone else.

          I’ve done that following along behind the movers myself. It certainly is a lot easier to clean after everything is out of there.


  3. The embarrassment!! That is, what I would have felt had I been Mrs F, run out of time and/or money to clean the house. But apparently, she doesn’t. Very, very icky what you describe but what’s pretty interesting is the contrast between her personal presentation and what she lived in. Mind you, I recall my first apartment back in the day, when I’d spent two hours getting myself all gussied up for work, and walk out on an unholy mess. My excuse is that I was only 19!
    But later, when I had a three kids and we were moving out of a rented house, the property manager said he had never seen anybody leave a house in such immaculate condition. That restored some of my self-respect….

    The fingernail clippings really got me. I mean, how on earth????


    • Yeah, the clippings were the last straw. I guess they must have left the drawer open where they kept the clippers and the clippings fell in and were never retrieved. As I said to Linda, I’m not the best housekeeper, but it’s my dirt, and I’m not forcing someone else to deal with it. Well, David, maybe, but he’s free to plug in the vacuum or pick up a dusting cloth, if it bothers him enough. (It never has, lol.) This house reminded me of a rental property where the renter didn’t care about getting back their deposit.

      It’s a matter of pride with me, and I’ve had the same thing said about me. 🙂 I guess some people just don’t care, or think it’s important. Sigh.


  4. Since 2006, we have move 8 times (that include three temporary apartment stays of 1-2 months) and each time we have left the dwelling we were in spic n span. Not so all the 5 homes we moved into…. (the temp apartments were all clean thank God!) I think your Filthy family gets around quite a lot! The home we live in now was probably the cleanest one of the 5. That was nice! But none of them was as bad as the yellow Corvette house. Gross.

    I’ll never forget after moving out of our first home in 1984, we would go back to the neighborhood to socialize and see the woman who bought our house. She never failed to mention how incredibly clean we left it for her and how much she appreciated that. 🙂 And 30 some years later, I’m still scrubbing showers and wiping out drawers when we move even if other’s haven’t done the same for us. I figure the good Karma with catch up with us!


    • Wow, AGMA, you really do move a lot! Reminds me of my first three years of marriage when we moved every time the wind blew open the front door. Oh, wait, maybe that was the movie “Chocolat.” Anyway, we moved a lot before we had kids.

      Actually, Mr. and Mrs. Filthy built the house and lived here for twelve years, but they have the souls of renters. I have a feeling that bad Karma just rolls off Mrs. Filthy like water off a duck’s back.

      Yeah, even when I rented, I always left the place immaculate. I don’t know any other way. Good Karma should start rolling in any minute now. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s